Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
