Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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