You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
