i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
