i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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