Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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