i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
