Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
