I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
