there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
