if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
