My room smells like vodka and shame
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I did not marry a roomba.
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