I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
