I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize