someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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