I wannas sexs uuuuu
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
