Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize