I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
