He felt like a one man threesome
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
