If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
