Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
