I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Hippo gnu deer
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
