Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
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