is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
