so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
