You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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