hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
