addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
