I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
