There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
