my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
