It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
