I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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