You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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