zippers are such a cool invention
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
