She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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