official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
