How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize
