he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
