thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
FUCK WHALES
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
