is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
