burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My breasts were aching with rage.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
