your parents love me but you hate me
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
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