Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
