separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
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