you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
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