Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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