I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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