Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
