Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
