Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
