I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
