If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
