didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize