Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
