apparently the secret to your success is patron
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
