I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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