dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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