I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
