i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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