I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
