Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
