He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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