So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
