Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
